Is God in the stillness?

Have you ever gone through a period when you do not feel God is present with you?  Even when you have felt He was present before?  Have you ever struggled with church attendance/participation because it feels like going through the motions with nothing behind it?  Do you ever feel like there is more?  More than what we learn at church?  What is the point?  I understand this spiritual thing.  I've finally decided, at least for now, just to be with it.  Stop struggling with it and just see where it goes.  Reading that book by Barbara Brown Taylor and others have helped some.  My papaw helped too.  His favorite verse is (because the verse still is) "Be still and know that I am God."  It's in Psalm, but I don't remember where.  I've wondered for a while, of all the verses he could pick, why did Papaw pick that one?  There has to be something to it.  God has to be in the stillness.  I don't have to see Him there or feel Him there or sense Him there for Him to be there.  So, I'm focusing on that for now.  I think we do each other (we as Christians) a HUGE disservice by hiding these dry spells (or whatever you want to call them).  Life is not all mountain tops.  Spiritual life is not all mountain tops.  If it were, then we would have to redefine it as level ground.  Besides that, mountain tops are cold and pointy.  I also think that we (read Christy) get caught up in wanting what we do not have.  Materially, physically, spiritually.  What if my lessons for now are in the stillness, the dry period?  The children of Israel wandered around in the desert (did I spell that right, if not they are in the sweets) for 40 years.  I don't think that is only literal.  Reading it now, we see God was with them the entire time.  Watching, teaching.  But, I have to wonder if it felt that way to them.  What if the Christian life isn't to be something spectacular?  Just a measured way of living day to day?  I don't know the answers.  I have more questions every day.  I doubt.  Big time!  I struggle with unbelief.  Big time!  But I haven't given up yet.  God has to still be there.  If not, why even bother?

5 years

Dear Papaw,
It has been almost five years since you died.  Seems like yesterday while at the same time seeming like much longer.  I've decided I'm going to do my best to honor your memory and move along with this grief thing.  I'm sure I'll always be a little sad around the first week in April.  Your absence leaves such a large void.  But, I'll do my best to remember what you taught me while here and what you are still teaching me now that you are gone.  Thank you for always being that quiet presence in the background.  Thank you that any of us (your children, grandchildren, anyone really) could come to you for direction and be quieted and comforted in your presence.  Thank you that you loved each of us so much.  You always loved us no matter what.  You might be disappointed in our behavior, but you never seemed disappointed in us.  Thank you for standing up for me.  I noticed.  I will always remember my asking you for advice and you telling me, "I won't tell you what to do, but I'll support you in your decision."  Thank you.  I'll also always remember me asking you to give me away at my wedding.  Your reply, "I won't give you away, but I'll walk you down the aisle."  Thank you.  You always made me feel accepted, loved, wanted.  Thank you.  I miss you, Papaw.  A lot.  I've wondered over the last five years why your favorite Bible verse is "Be still and know that I am God."  I think about it a lot.  I'm learning.  Little bits and pieces, but I'm learning.